sleep will come~

me having a purrrr out on the lake last weekend


It's been well over a year since I have written anything substantial. Everytime I come here there is so much to share I don't know where to begin. Perhaps if I start where I am. It will unravel in a more organic way. So much seems to have gotten left behind.....so much has been lost. I feel a need to reclaim some of the things that once brought me so much pleasure. This space where I spilled and processed and worked out my existance.

I have come to the page time and time again....My heart has pounded, I've jotted a few sentences, screamed, cried but the constriction remained. I tried to release. I just could not get real. I must above all else be real. At least about the truths I percieve.

where I am`.......

contradictions compound

I

oscillate between

shame and forgiveness


Some days I feel clear and strong, I know what I want and what it will take to get there.

Other days..............

not so much.....insecurity permeates every cell that is me

"who am I?"

I am angry, I am sunshine and light.

I crave touch and I push you away.

I crave companionship and I don't reach out.

I must create and I don't begin.

I fill up those vulnerable cells with super foods, kale, flax, maca, gojis and I eat chips.

I am frustrated and I am sunshine and I am light

I want security and I want to roam free

I am an early bird and I stay up too late

I want your truths and I cry when I hear them

I long for community and I treasure my solitude

I am scared and I am sunshine and I am light~

~me